A friend of mine recently brought to my attention a video on YouTube that I just have to share. It is entitled "Big Butter Jesus", performed by Heywood Banks and made popular on the Bob and Tom Morning Show. Check it out.
I've only ever heard it refered to as the Touchdown Jesus statue, but Big Butter Jesus works just as well. Yes I know it's country, but the content is what counts. Thanks to my friend Jason for sharing this with me. Rest assured, I pissed myself a little with devilish glee.
And while I'm on this subject, I must relate my one and only Solid Rock Church story. I happened to be refueling my car one day while in a nun's habit when who should appear but a bus load of Solid Rockers. They saw a man in women's apparel and immediately approached me with literature. "We just want you to know we love you," they said, and if I hadn't been staring at their self righteous faces I might have believed them.
After a few moments of uncomfortable banter I was able to steer the conversation toward Big Butter (Touchdown) Jesus. When I asked what compelled them to erect such a graven image, they assured me it was winning souls off the interstate for Christ. They said it cost $10,000 of pure love money tithed by their monsterous congregation, and that every last member agreed it was the best use for such a tidy sum. Furthermore, they were shocked when I suggested more tangible forms of community outreach, things like feeding the homeless, clothing the less fortunate, or substance abuse counciling. I guess "loving others" by example only sounds good in the bible.
You don't believe me?? Check out this picture snapped by Father Patty O'Phile!
I've only ever heard it refered to as the Touchdown Jesus statue, but Big Butter Jesus works just as well. Yes I know it's country, but the content is what counts. Thanks to my friend Jason for sharing this with me. Rest assured, I pissed myself a little with devilish glee.
And while I'm on this subject, I must relate my one and only Solid Rock Church story. I happened to be refueling my car one day while in a nun's habit when who should appear but a bus load of Solid Rockers. They saw a man in women's apparel and immediately approached me with literature. "We just want you to know we love you," they said, and if I hadn't been staring at their self righteous faces I might have believed them.
After a few moments of uncomfortable banter I was able to steer the conversation toward Big Butter (Touchdown) Jesus. When I asked what compelled them to erect such a graven image, they assured me it was winning souls off the interstate for Christ. They said it cost $10,000 of pure love money tithed by their monsterous congregation, and that every last member agreed it was the best use for such a tidy sum. Furthermore, they were shocked when I suggested more tangible forms of community outreach, things like feeding the homeless, clothing the less fortunate, or substance abuse counciling. I guess "loving others" by example only sounds good in the bible.
You don't believe me?? Check out this picture snapped by Father Patty O'Phile!
Incidentally, I did my research on that statue and found they wasted over $35,000 on it ... and the damn thing looks as if it's falling apart. But one thing they got right was how everyone involved felt like it was a great idea. Perhaps they got their inspiration from the anatomically correct horse statue flashing its goods in the next lot over.
If anyone would like to travel down to Middletown and make out with me in front of this gawd awful embarassment to human progress, let me know. [Offer not valid to skanks]
2 comments:
Sweet cream Jesus! I can vouch for this story as I was also dressed in a nun outfit as well when the sweet ladies approached the good Reverend/Nun Diesel.
I think they should add to the Jesus and make him a whole person standing before the Lord rather than rising out of the lake. Then I wonder how the Solid Rockers will respond when Big Butter Jesus falls over on 75 and kills people.
(I love how you say no skanks should apply for Makeout with Jesus 2008.) :)
First and foremost, I LOVE HAYWOOD BANKS! He just cracks my shit. ;-)
Next, my personal experience with the Solid Rock (of Crack!) church... my ex-con uncle, who "found" god while incarcerated (I never realized that god was lost. I can offer my "hounds" (ok my spoiled princess beagles) if we need to conduct a search or something), has decided to be married there at the Solid Rock (of Crack!) church, as they are the ministry responsible for guiding those poor souls that have been imprisoned in the nearby jail (you know, the same pooooor souls that are IN jail because they murdered, stole, or otherwise COMMITTED A CRIME). I, naturally, declined to attend my uncle's SEVENTH wedding.
And when I took that picture, I totally didn't know those were Solid Rock (of Crack!) church-goers. Otherwise, I'd have just thrown the damn camera at them, to hell with the Geneva Convention.
Yours, Father Patty O'Phile.
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