What the …? The Ides of March have come and gone in 2007, and I missed it? Where the hell have I been? Let’s see, I was hurtling toward the holidays head first ... I remember my breaks locked up, powerless against the gravity of the yuletide season. Once I hit, I must have lost all sensibilities. I vaguely recall lots of snow all at once, and also trying a new kind of cake. Other than that, I got nothing. Months of my life, gone.
This isn’t fair. It’s like time and space decided to ditch me for some cooler kids down the block. Or maybe time and space have better things to do than set me on track. I don’t know; whichever makes me the victim in all this.
To me, this is more evidence that the instrument of time is not user friendly. Take your eyes off it and then it’s four months later. Other people tell me their time is working just fine. Some are actually smug about it. Well pheuf … I’d exchange mine if I still had the receipt.
It’s all terribly confusing. Luckily I have a government lording over me, to keep these cosmic constructs in check. Perhaps you noticed their recent handy work? With their awesome powers, Congress successfully moved daylight savings time ahead one month. It was a spectacular feat of prestidigitation for our grand wizards, especially considering how short the congressional work week turns out to be.
This hyper spring forward is part of a new energy plan enacted to combat rising energy consumption and cost. If signed into law, the plan would solidify Spring Forward on the first weekend of March, and also push Fall Back to the final week in November (instead of October.) The rationale behind this space/time flux is magical; an extension of daylight ours will trim energy cost by removing some of the need for artificial light during the evenings. The All Power has blessed us with another hour of daylight!
I didn’t really see much celebrating though. Lot’s of confusion and sleepy faces. It’s the very thing what roused me from hibernation. I still haven’t taken the bunny slippers off, so you KNOW this has impacted me on a personal level.
Let’s start with tradition. The Fall Back period of daylight savings has been enjoyed by many simply because it appears to give them more sleep. But any party shark will tell you that Halloween is made so much better when the taverns have an extra hour to serve booze. The change occurrs at 2 a.m., well before last call. And really, who wants a Halloween party to end too soon? This new energy bill HATES Halloween parties, and it hates you for going to them. We will all be hurtin’ without our “extra” hour of sleep.
Now, as I dry my tears let me remind us of the inherent nature of Time. It is a tool used to measure the duration of events and compare the motion of objects. It is an intellectual structure, a pattern our minds place on the world in motion. We are not moving time because there is no thing to move. We’re merely changing our understanding of it, and with that our habits to compensate for a lack of available daylight. That’s why we have a need to Spring Forward and Fall Back to begin with.
And really, this does not reduce the amount of energy people use. It merely changes when they use it. For example, hundreds of thousands of moms are up at the butt crack of dawn with their children. They’ve got televisions going, hair dryers blowing, microwaves heating, music playing, lights to see by, the works. Some of them now need to use more electricity for the lack of morning light.
The only way I see that we can truly conserve energy and thus coinage in our pockets is to actually take on a conservative attitude. Shifting dates around on a calendar only looks cool. And yet I’m sure our tax dollars went into the committees to decide on the color scheme for the pie charts used to express a need for us to begin making some real progress in the overall problem at hand.
On the other hand, how would Americans react if they were asked to make small sacrifices? A wee piece of me wants to believe we’d do it if it were labeled right. We'd have to update Riveting Rosie, maybe pierce her nipples .
In other news, scientists decided to go public with the reality that we can never travel through time. Again, there’s nothing there to travel through; only the concept itself. There is one moment, ongoing and for us, eternal. Which means I’ll never get my four months back … ever. This blows.
And so I resume my post. Now if only I could forget how to age …
This isn’t fair. It’s like time and space decided to ditch me for some cooler kids down the block. Or maybe time and space have better things to do than set me on track. I don’t know; whichever makes me the victim in all this.
To me, this is more evidence that the instrument of time is not user friendly. Take your eyes off it and then it’s four months later. Other people tell me their time is working just fine. Some are actually smug about it. Well pheuf … I’d exchange mine if I still had the receipt.
It’s all terribly confusing. Luckily I have a government lording over me, to keep these cosmic constructs in check. Perhaps you noticed their recent handy work? With their awesome powers, Congress successfully moved daylight savings time ahead one month. It was a spectacular feat of prestidigitation for our grand wizards, especially considering how short the congressional work week turns out to be.
This hyper spring forward is part of a new energy plan enacted to combat rising energy consumption and cost. If signed into law, the plan would solidify Spring Forward on the first weekend of March, and also push Fall Back to the final week in November (instead of October.) The rationale behind this space/time flux is magical; an extension of daylight ours will trim energy cost by removing some of the need for artificial light during the evenings. The All Power has blessed us with another hour of daylight!
I didn’t really see much celebrating though. Lot’s of confusion and sleepy faces. It’s the very thing what roused me from hibernation. I still haven’t taken the bunny slippers off, so you KNOW this has impacted me on a personal level.
Let’s start with tradition. The Fall Back period of daylight savings has been enjoyed by many simply because it appears to give them more sleep. But any party shark will tell you that Halloween is made so much better when the taverns have an extra hour to serve booze. The change occurrs at 2 a.m., well before last call. And really, who wants a Halloween party to end too soon? This new energy bill HATES Halloween parties, and it hates you for going to them. We will all be hurtin’ without our “extra” hour of sleep.
Now, as I dry my tears let me remind us of the inherent nature of Time. It is a tool used to measure the duration of events and compare the motion of objects. It is an intellectual structure, a pattern our minds place on the world in motion. We are not moving time because there is no thing to move. We’re merely changing our understanding of it, and with that our habits to compensate for a lack of available daylight. That’s why we have a need to Spring Forward and Fall Back to begin with.
And really, this does not reduce the amount of energy people use. It merely changes when they use it. For example, hundreds of thousands of moms are up at the butt crack of dawn with their children. They’ve got televisions going, hair dryers blowing, microwaves heating, music playing, lights to see by, the works. Some of them now need to use more electricity for the lack of morning light.
The only way I see that we can truly conserve energy and thus coinage in our pockets is to actually take on a conservative attitude. Shifting dates around on a calendar only looks cool. And yet I’m sure our tax dollars went into the committees to decide on the color scheme for the pie charts used to express a need for us to begin making some real progress in the overall problem at hand.
On the other hand, how would Americans react if they were asked to make small sacrifices? A wee piece of me wants to believe we’d do it if it were labeled right. We'd have to update Riveting Rosie, maybe pierce her nipples .
In other news, scientists decided to go public with the reality that we can never travel through time. Again, there’s nothing there to travel through; only the concept itself. There is one moment, ongoing and for us, eternal. Which means I’ll never get my four months back … ever. This blows.
And so I resume my post. Now if only I could forget how to age …
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