My oldest and dearest friend is a drag queen. I believe the reason we get along so favorably is because she is an entertainer and thus a story teller in the truest sense of the word. While I write my tales down, she enacts hers. It’s rather shamanic if you think about it. For more information, click the side bar link in the Peanut Gallery entitled Ms. D. Meanor. Our friendship gives me brief glimpses into the world of drag queens, and brother, it’s a mess in a dress.
For those of you unaware, there are levels of cross dressing people do, each with their own titles and purposes. A drag queen is a man who takes the illusion of a woman in order to perform or entertain. They are a distinct minority from cross dressers, who are men who dress as women because they want to. Interestingly enough, a majority of cross dressers are straight, many with wives and children; they just feel comfortable in chiffon and the occasional cheek rouge. Transsexuals involve actually becoming a woman through surgery and drug treatments, and honestly I don’t know much about these.
But the variety doesn’t stop there. Drag queens are social by nature. There are quite a few drag pageants out there, allowing for a greater number of queens to hold a title and crown of some sort. Two national competitions are for the titles Ms. Gay U.S. of A. and Entertainer of the Year, and oh are they a big to do! They have an “At Large” competition for those girls who tip the scales, a pageant for the golden girls of drag (ballads, snore), and my personal favorite, the booger competition; very campy and fun for anyone watching.
Why so many? For starters, there are only a few places where drag queens can go to perform their craft, let alone win any sort of recognition for it. Gay bars are it, and these are owned and operated by wealthy gay men with influence in the gay community. With so few venues, multiple titles spring up. Drag queens are vicious creatures, with the potential to destroy entire city blocks if jilted from her crown. It is in the public’s best interest to allow a greater variety of queens a shot in the spotlight.
What it all boils down to is drama, which you expect from entertainers. A very large number of very catty cross dressing men are forced to preen and strut for one title. Occasionally, when one of them doesn’t win, they believe it’s due to their age, or their weight, or the color of their skin, etc. and go off to create their own pageant to excel in. Here’s my point: fewer stages + many different kinds of queens + each with a desire to win = dramatic, competitive atmosphere. I’ve heard all sorts of tea, from jealous queens to shady business in the judging booth. It’s all become so terribly confusing.
Therefore, I have come up with another sort of pageant (because you can’t have just 50.) I believe there should be a drag queen competition that requires the contestants to have at least an 8 inch dick. Now hear me out. If you have a really big schlong, it’s going to be more difficult to hide such a thing. This gets back to the roots of drag queenery, putting on the illusion of the opposite sex. All other criteria would be void; you can be older, booger, chubby … you probably WILL be black (good lawd). We can call it Ms. Hurge U.S. of A.
The competition would start with a “weighing in” of sorts, where personal measurements consist of a tape measurer to the crotch. Queens would next undergo an interview by the judges. Questions would vary, though probably remain in the area of “You have a really big dick, how’s that workin’ out for ya?” Later that night would be the star studded entertainment portion of the competition. Contestants would be required to have at least one skin tight or revealing outfit in order to fully show the ability to hide their members. They would have three opportunities to do this: evening gown, talent, and showmanship. Of course, the more numbers they meet this one requirement, the better the judges favor. C’mon, what bigger ego feed can you get? “Look what you all can’t see!” It would be fabulous.
And before I end this, a final word on the matter of pageantry in gay culture. The leather community ALSO holds competitive events for the title of MR. Gay U.S. of A., MR. Gay Ohio, you get my meaning. They strut down a walkway … to the VILLAGE PEOPLE!!! What nonsense. Do I have to slap EVERYONE around here?
For those of you unaware, there are levels of cross dressing people do, each with their own titles and purposes. A drag queen is a man who takes the illusion of a woman in order to perform or entertain. They are a distinct minority from cross dressers, who are men who dress as women because they want to. Interestingly enough, a majority of cross dressers are straight, many with wives and children; they just feel comfortable in chiffon and the occasional cheek rouge. Transsexuals involve actually becoming a woman through surgery and drug treatments, and honestly I don’t know much about these.
But the variety doesn’t stop there. Drag queens are social by nature. There are quite a few drag pageants out there, allowing for a greater number of queens to hold a title and crown of some sort. Two national competitions are for the titles Ms. Gay U.S. of A. and Entertainer of the Year, and oh are they a big to do! They have an “At Large” competition for those girls who tip the scales, a pageant for the golden girls of drag (ballads, snore), and my personal favorite, the booger competition; very campy and fun for anyone watching.
Why so many? For starters, there are only a few places where drag queens can go to perform their craft, let alone win any sort of recognition for it. Gay bars are it, and these are owned and operated by wealthy gay men with influence in the gay community. With so few venues, multiple titles spring up. Drag queens are vicious creatures, with the potential to destroy entire city blocks if jilted from her crown. It is in the public’s best interest to allow a greater variety of queens a shot in the spotlight.
What it all boils down to is drama, which you expect from entertainers. A very large number of very catty cross dressing men are forced to preen and strut for one title. Occasionally, when one of them doesn’t win, they believe it’s due to their age, or their weight, or the color of their skin, etc. and go off to create their own pageant to excel in. Here’s my point: fewer stages + many different kinds of queens + each with a desire to win = dramatic, competitive atmosphere. I’ve heard all sorts of tea, from jealous queens to shady business in the judging booth. It’s all become so terribly confusing.
Therefore, I have come up with another sort of pageant (because you can’t have just 50.) I believe there should be a drag queen competition that requires the contestants to have at least an 8 inch dick. Now hear me out. If you have a really big schlong, it’s going to be more difficult to hide such a thing. This gets back to the roots of drag queenery, putting on the illusion of the opposite sex. All other criteria would be void; you can be older, booger, chubby … you probably WILL be black (good lawd). We can call it Ms. Hurge U.S. of A.
The competition would start with a “weighing in” of sorts, where personal measurements consist of a tape measurer to the crotch. Queens would next undergo an interview by the judges. Questions would vary, though probably remain in the area of “You have a really big dick, how’s that workin’ out for ya?” Later that night would be the star studded entertainment portion of the competition. Contestants would be required to have at least one skin tight or revealing outfit in order to fully show the ability to hide their members. They would have three opportunities to do this: evening gown, talent, and showmanship. Of course, the more numbers they meet this one requirement, the better the judges favor. C’mon, what bigger ego feed can you get? “Look what you all can’t see!” It would be fabulous.
And before I end this, a final word on the matter of pageantry in gay culture. The leather community ALSO holds competitive events for the title of MR. Gay U.S. of A., MR. Gay Ohio, you get my meaning. They strut down a walkway … to the VILLAGE PEOPLE!!! What nonsense. Do I have to slap EVERYONE around here?
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