Limit Breaker!

I’ve taken a slow but deliberate step back from other people in recent years. My brain was approaching critical mass... again. Not the first time. I'm still politely social. I still go to work and the gym and the grocery. Otherwise, I'm not in the mood for other people. There's a particular dimension of human behavior at work in some people that, until recently, has eluded me. But at last, I'm gaining clarity on it and myself.

I guess I’ve always known about it in some form or another. I’ve been attracted to it, mesmerized by it, and compelled to argue with it. I’m talking about those who perceive and interpret the world in terms of themselves. They cannot relate to a thing unless they project themselves on it somehow. They treat people as means to various ends. 

It’s not in everyone, mind you, at least not in concentrated form. But, the more aware I become of it, the more I see of it. I've heard it called egocentrism, self-centeredness, even Narcissistic Personality Disorder in extreme cases. But I’ve opted for ease and aesthetics by calling it psychic vampirism; people who feed on the psychic energy of others in order to sustain themselves in a social environment. 

And since that name contains spooky, supernatural terms, let’s get real specific here. ‘Vampire’ implies someone who drains others of their essence, and ‘psychic’ points to the mental and emotional dimension of human experience; those inner states of being that are wholly our own. Psychic vamps don’t suck blood, nor do they leech us of material possessions or money. In fact, the self-absorbed are very good at buying or giving stuff, or paying one’s way, or designated driving. But these are superficial methods to entice others closer in order to feed off their minds and hearts. 

They drain us without reciprocating those same basic needs for love and attention, care, interest, meaningful conversations. Psychic vampires are incapable of those things, I think. They manage to put on a good show. Hell, some of them will even ask you how your day was. But listen closely. What they're really doing is setting up the conversation to talk about another aspect of themselves. It sounds a little like: “How was your day? Oh really, because I’m exhausted from work, and here are a few reasons why, blah and blah. Ultimately I discovered a new recipe for chicken cashew while on the internet. You know, I’ve saved money and kept slim by cooking at home. Do you read Cosmo?” And on and on, never noticing they've hijacked the conversation for their perverse and ongoing personal display. 

Psychic vampires also have problems that are so massive, they require multiple people to help and provide support. Or at least that's how they explain them. Every friend and family member has a part to play. God help anyone that doesn't fall in line. But strangely, when you try to lean on vamps in the same way, they aren’t there. They cannot be there for you. In fact, they brush you off with a cold indifference and redirect the conversation to them. Big surprise. 

Such attention to one’s self is natural on occasion. It helps our survival if we take stock on occasion. It boosts our morale to tell others of our accomplishments, and helps us shoulder problems when others listen. It’s part of maintaining healthy relationships among fellow human beings. But we’re not talking occasional. Psychic vampires literally nest in their relationships. They pad themselves with the warmth and attention of other people. 

By now, I’m sure you’re shaking your head slowly, saying to yourself, “That boy’s been hurt.” And you’d be right. I grew up meeting the needs of other people FIRST in order to get my own needs met. In fact, I managed my loved ones like circus animals on parade because, really, that’s what they were. They were too busy meeting their own needs to stop and help me with mine. Throughout my life, I found myself attracted to similar people in social and personal circles. We reciprocated materially, but there was another dimension to the relationships that psychic vampires couldn’t share with me. 

I’ve had to learn this the hard way, slogging through years of my own self-loathing, hiding beneath any number of friends and romantic interests that would expect me to handle them, to care for them, ask about them, admire them, and in return, they would let me bask in their splendor I suppose. It’s exhausting, not to mention demeaning in subconscious ways. And the hardest part is that I move toward that, again and again, allowing it to drain me of psychic resources until I can’t bare it any longer. Then I retreat. 

This time, however, I’m not going to be a victim about all this. Sure, I’ve ranted for a few paragraphs, but ultimately I’ve cultivated an awareness of psychic vampires because I’m susceptible to them. I’m a ‘giver,’ or someone who ‘copes,’ or some might say a ‘controller.’ I bring this upon myself, and I’m ready to take some responsibility. 

So, instead of hating them, I’ve become vigilant about psychic vampires. It may take me a while, but I can spot them now based on their tendencies. I realize they probably don’t see what they’re doing. That doesn’t make the behavior any less harmful to me. In fact, it makes it worse since I wind up arguing with them about an unknown variable. How do you discuss matters of perception with people who won’t step out of theirs? You can’t win. 

Besides, it’s high time I started thinking of MY needs. I've started to weigh every relationship in my life these days to determine whether that person gives whatever they take from me psychically. And if they don’t, then I disconnect myself from them. Politely. And if that sounds catty, so be it. If I have to accept a lack of awareness in others as part of their being human, then they have to accept my lack of patience for that same reason.