WHOLE 'NUTHER M

DISCLAIMER: The following is a scathing review of the new release, Metroid: Other M.  I’m not holding back while writing this, so if you don’t want the game ruined, stop reading now.  And to other readers, those who don’t play video games, sorry to geek out on you, but my heart is broken right now. 

Let me begin by saying how excited I was that the Metroid series was returning to third person perspective.  I love the suit that the heroin wears, so watching her move and execute special abilities is a treat.  It adds a very cinematic quality to the game that was lost in first person shooter. I can at least admit that this game has the feel of Super Metroid, only in three dimensions.

And really, I enjoyed the game play for the most part. Modern day gaming enthusiasts will probably criticize the grid-like maze of passages or the side scrolling perspective, but I felt the developers used depth and open areas to give it that feeling of freedom and exploration we love. Also, the transition between third person and the visor perspective felt natural. 

But that’s where my charity ends for this game. 

Even though I like the game play, they still need to tweak the engine, especially that damn stealth walk.  There’s no reason to slow the action down just to walk through the ladies room.  And they can get rid of detective mode while they’re at it, so I don’t have to figure out what tiny bit of the atmosphere I have to hold my curser on for five seconds in order to move forward.  Each of those clunky game features slowed the action down to frustrating levels.    

The play time stinks.  100% completion on normal mode can be achieved in fifteen hours.  I mean, come on! I should be slogging through a new Metroid game for days, maybe weeks.  And the so-called Hard Mode you unlock?  The reason it’s hard is because you have no power ups to collect.  No energy tanks, no missile expansions, no machine parts.  That’s the best part about a Metroid game!   Finding things!  You take away the search and discovery, and it’s just running back and forth shooting at things. 

But the worst part, by far, was the story.  Just awful.  Blasphemous.  At one point, I took a bathroom break while a cut scene played.  Samus talks to herself a lot in this game, giving us bits of detail to flesh out the story.  90% was pointless and absurd.  Her relationship with military personnel as both professional and personal was forced and corny.  Maybe close ties with soldiers, but a superior officer that treated her like a daughter?  That allowed her to openly defy orders or speak out?    

My real problem is that the developers at Team Ninja seriously misunderstood Samus Aran as a character.  To put it bluntly, she is a badass.  In her line of work, she has to be tough and capable; she tootles around the cosmos hunting bounties for cash.  In this game, Samus is sometimes frail and dependent.  They had her stumbling, reaching out to a military leader at one point, wounded and in need of protection.  Yeah, I went and had a bowl movement at that point. 

And while we’re at it, Samus is also a human being, which means she would use the tools at her disposal to get a job done.  So, if she found herself in water and she had the gravity suit available to her, she’d turn on that feature and use it.  After all, it could be a matter of life or death! Of course she’s going to turn on the kick ass features of her suit when they’re needed.  Team Ninja was extremely lazy here.  There’s a way to orchestrate Samus’s initial exploration to unlock her power ups naturally.

Whoever made this game has some serious issues with women.  Or maybe it’s a Japanese culture thing.  Either way, they took a beloved female character and erased everything noble and strong about her.

I’m honestly plucked that Nintendo allowed this to pass their smell test.  They’re usually so diligent with flagship titles.  Out of ten points, Metroid: Other M gets a 4.0.  This story never happened.  Samus was delusional and dreamed the whole thing.  She’ll wake up in cryogenic stasis or some science fiction gimmick.  I don’t care!  Anything is better than domesticating the toughest bounty hunter in the galaxy.